Social Suicide in One Fell Swoop

In Experiences, Thoughts on February 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm

This wouldn’t be all that embarrassing if there was a party at the gym (do they host parties for their members?).

This wouldn’t be far from plausible if it was a formal gym (how cool would that be?).

This would appear to be normal behavior if it was New Years Eve (because everyone goes to black-tie affairs just like movie characters on New Years Eve, right?).

This IS social suicide among the female ranks.

And yet (I’m embarrassed to admit that) today I plan to walk out of the gym in shocking red lipstick, disco-ball 4″ stilettos (as my sister-in-law so dubbed them when, against her better judgment, I wore them in her wedding) and a short, flirty cocktail dress.

I’m happy to announce that my roommate got engaged this past weekend and one of our girlfriends has decided to host an all-girl cocktail party in her honor. I’m so excited! I’ve been holding on to this little teal cocktail dress for the past year, just waiting for a moment like this to come along and justify my whimsical purchase. So when’s the party? Tonight? Perfect, it’s the same night that I have personal training. But, what time am I supposed to show up to the party? Oh, 7pm? Perfect, I finish my training at a late 6:30pm and it usually takes me the next half an hour to tame the sweat I’ve accumulated and gather my locker into a bag I can then barely manage to carry to my car (both due to its weight and my sore muscles informing me the workout ended half an hour ago, honey). So how in the world am I going to make this happen?

I expressed my concerns with my trainer (mostly because I wanted to judge his reaction to my considering getting ready at the gym and walking out in a cocktail dress – needless to say he was embarrassed for me, but probably secretly crossing his fingers that I’d do it). That’s the problem with this situation. It isn’t that I don’t have time, because my trainer changed our session from 5:30pm to start at 5pm, thereby giving me a solid hour in which I can shower, put on make-up and do my hair (and furthering my suspicion that he wanted me to go through with it). The problem with this situation is that by walking out of that gym looking like I don’t sweat and my make-up doesn’t smear girls avoid eye-contact and don’t smile at me. The problem is that by walking out in street clothes (which for me include a cute pair of stilettos, designer jeans and a pea coat… I can’t help it if I love style) I get glares that could do more damage than the comments they’re suppressing in their head. The problem is that if I can get evil glares from the clothes I wear normally, from sweaty make-up (it’s bare minerals by the way and it doesn’t even come off when I swim if I don’t rub my face!), and from a confident strut (for the record, I practiced hard to learn to walk like that in stilettos)… then what kind of verbal reprimands, audible scoffs and future invisibility shields will they throw at me when I walk through the gym in cocktail attire? Dear God, please save me!

I have enough trouble making girlfriends as it is, the last thing I need is everyone hating me for what is, quite honestly, a pretty good reason.

Why are the girls locker rooms as far form the front door as possible!?

Maybe I’ll hide my short skirt under a long jacket…

  1. Haha, I love it 🙂 And I’m glad you kept the name I created for your shoes 😉 Take pictures!

  2. “Dear God, please save me!”
    I bet even he would want to see this!

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