essentiallylogical

Roll Out the Red Carpet… at a Gym?

In Experiences, Thoughts on January 17, 2011 at 1:38 pm

“Would you prefer a male or female?” Rich asked. “Male!” I shouted in my head as my body stupidly sat there stammering. “Be honest,” he recommended. “I guess… a guy?” My lack of confidence in my own answer sounded more pathetic in person than it does here on paper.

So that was it. Friday I went to the gym after work to workout and I left the gym after a 2 mile run with a new (male) personal trainer. I have no idea what got into me. It was money I didn’t need to spend on a guy I don’t know teaching me things I will most assuredly despise. Okay, I’m being over-dramatic. Despite the drama, however, I did leave the gym Friday signed up for eight personal training sessions (once a week for eight weeks). I’m delighted to familiarize myself with the gym. That’s a large reason I wait in line to use the treadmill or avoid gyms entirely; I’m not sure how to use anything else. With my luck I’d be the girl doing lat pulls facing the wrong way or using a shoulder press as a leg press. According to Rich, my trainer will help me learn to use the machines with confidence and know which machines I want to use to accomplish the outlandish goals I have for my figure.

*****

Yesterday was Sunday (my day of rest) so I did not workout. I went to church and then critically judged dresses, hairstyles, bodies and lifestyles of each celebrity walking the red carpet with unforgiving ferocity as I watched the Golden Globes with my friend.

*****

Today I woke up and attended at 5:30am spin class! Yes, you read that correctly. I woke up at 5:00am and slept-drove to the gym to voluntarily ride a stationary bike for an hour. I invited a friend, but she said cycling intimidates her. So I went it alone. For some reason I seemed to think that no one goes to the gym at 5:30am, so I chose not to do my hair (just threw it in a curly pony tail), not to wear makeup, and not to wear cute workout clothes (a t-shirt, leggings & mismatched socks, baby!) which turned out to be horribly incorrect. Three bikes away was a wildly attractive guy and here I was in a room with mirrors for walls sweating profusely with a pained look on my face almost the entire hour because I forgot to pee. Why me?

*****

Tomorrow at 5:30pm I WILL be wearing make-up, cute workout clothes, and have recently peed when I meet my new personal trainer! I think there’s some fine print rule with personal trainers that you must be excessively fit and abnormally easy on the eyes to apply for the position. It’s no wonder we’re intimidated by the gym. It has less to do with the place and more to do with the freakishly attractive figures lurking around every corner and seemingly watching you. When I go to the gym it’s like an hour long red carpet appearance in which you’re judged for your clothes, your hair, your figure, your lifestyle and all you can do is smile, try not to sweat and hope they’re staring from a flattering angle.

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